slcsux's Blog


Today was my day off but I went in and worked for about 6 hours. I messed up though because I thought that Jos dance class started aat 4:30 but it sactually started at 4. She got there about 25 minutes late because of my  mistake but it was ok, she didnt miss too much and she had two classes back to back. I felt bad though. She wasnt upset about it. I went to pay the director the performance fee for their end of year show and she told me to not worry about it. So that saved me 30 bucks that I really didnt have to spend. I was so happy and thankful. I guess its because I do so much free work with the dance company. I also got to see an old dancer freind who is in town visiting for California for the week. It was a good afternoon. Tony has been on my mind a lot today though, and its like whenever things are going good and I start to feel a little happy, thoughts of him fill my mind and I go right back to feeling like crap and sad. Its been almost 3 years, I wish I could just get over it, but I just cant. Maybe its because I know that he was my last chance to ever have any real relationship with someone and I pretty much blew it. I wish I could go back in time and redo things with him knowing what I know now. There are a lot of things I would keep my mouth shut about and not do. But I cant change the past, so I am trying to focus on the present and future. I have the occasional visits and calls and time spent with B, that is as good as its going to get, so I should just appreciate that. Tomorrow we get to keep my brothers dog for a few days, so that is something to look forward to. I think my account is going to end up slightly negative before next payday, but at least all my bills are paid, and I have gas and groceries so its OK. And its not going to be like 5 or 600 negative without paying any bills like at my lowest times last year. Its still good and Im on the right track.


I made it to work all day today. I was really tempted to go home and take a nap before work, but I was afraid of a repeat of yesterday. Nothing really happened today. Work was work. I was able to get Jo to her dance class and then I took class. We came home and did homework and watched a little TV and now its bedtime. Im trying really hard to drink half my body weight in water everyday, which is 70 oz. Im doing pretty good, but I have to pee constantly. I want to see if this helps me with my headaches. I had a little one today, but nothing like the awful migraines I have had recently. 


Well I didnt got to class this morning nor did I get to work early. After taking Jo to school I came home and planned on taking a nap until 9 and then going to work. Unfortuantely, I slept through the alarm and didnt wake up until almost 11. I missed my hours and class. I ended up getting to work around 12:30 which is about the time I would have gotten there had I gone to class. Oh well, I guess I needed the rest. Work was busy and I didnt get to leave early to get Jo to her dance class, but she was ok with that. I didnt have to cook dinner today because we had a drug rep lunch at work and there was lots of leftovers and since we have lunch again tomorrow, I took some home. Free food is always good with me! 


To my surprise B did come by last night and he paid me back and brought me a beer! I was so happy to see him. He only stayed about 4 hrs because he had to drive back to his job. It was a very nice visit, I wish he could come more often. Hopefully I will get to see him when I go home for Easter in a couple of weeks. Today was OK. We finally made it to the grocery store, so we have food again. Rehearsal for Frida today. W worked on Harness Bones and the drinking dance. Harness Bones is finally starting to feel good. The drinking dance and the trio still need a lot of work. Next week we are learning Palette of Blood. Im excited for that, its a very pretty dance and the costumes are beautiful. I am torn as to what to do tomorrow. I dont have to be at work until around lunch time and there is a great dance class at 10:30 that I have been able to take the last 2 Mondays. I really want to go but I also really need to get 40 hrs at work. I do have some PTO but Im trying to save that up for vacations this summer. I guess I will go to work and take an extra class during the week. If I didnt need to get tires next week, I would go to class. I really need to win the lottery or something and then I could just dance and not have to worry about having another job. But I never win anything so I know thats not going to happen. Oh well!


Today I had planned on going to the grocery store, library, bird sanctuary and maybe the botannical gardens. None of that happened. Jo would never get dressed or ready to go or really do anything. Im tired of yelling and getting mad at her everyday to do simple basic things. Especially when Im trying to take her somewhere fun. So instead I stayed home and cleaned, did laundry and cleaned my car. She didnt do one thing today but lay in the bed and watch TV. We didnt really eat much today because we need groceries but she refused to get ready to go to the store. She missed out on having fun today too. Oh well, that was her choice. My house is very clean and I found 20 bucks when I cleaned out the car! And since I got all my work done today, I can just relax until its time for rehearsal tomorrow. B did not pay me back yesterday, he says he will today, but time is running out. He just sent me a text saying he is an hour away and that he would bring it to me. I dont know about that either, I guess I will just wait and see. Luckily my house is company ready!! Except for not having anything to eat or drink thanks to Jo. Maybe he will bring some food if he comes and beer!


Today was a good day. Since I could make my own hours at work and there was no school today, we slept late and enjoyed a nice breakfast together for a change. I dropped Jo off around 10 and went to work at 10:30. I worked on portal invites all day until about 5:15. We ordered Atlanta Bread Company for lunch and I tried a Caprese sandwich and garden veggie soup. It was really good. I started on a walk during lunch but then it started raining. After work, Jo and I went to Chic Fil A for dinner. It was the grand opening of a new store and we got a free cookie and a gift card for a free breakfast. Then we checked out the new Trader Joes and then went to Stein-Mart. I saw a wallet that I really wanted to get but I decided to save money and leave it in the store. Jo was really sweet and said she would get it for me because I always get her stuff and I never get anything new. I told her thank you and that was really nice, but she should keep her money for herself. She was like a totally different kid than earlier this week. Paying off these bills and getting a new car are my main goals right now, but Im still thinking about that wallet. As of now B has not paid me back. He has 45 minutes to get it done. I know he wont. He better not ask me for anymore favors this year. 


So I didnt write the note to Jos teacher about her not skating because she had a much better attitude this morning. And after all the whining and crying she said that the skating rink was fun and that only 5 or 6 people had their own skates and most people rented theirs and a lot of people didnt even know how to skate. I wish she would have just listened to me yesterday and we could have avoided all that drama. Work was good, I got to eat outside and take another walk today, which was good since I ate 2 pieces of cake. After work I picked up Jo and then went to take my Thursday dance class. I got there even later than normal because I had to stop by the house and get something. Class was fun, but I was completely lost in the last combination we did. It was our first time learning it, so I wasnt the only one. After class, we ran the trio from Frida we learned last week. It was good for memory but our dancing wasn't the best. I think we were all tired. Dinner tonight was look in the kitchen and fridge and eat whatever you want. I ended up with a sandwich chips and a bannana. Jo had leftover BBQ, fries and strawberries and ice cream. I am so ready for bed. Tomorrow is my day off but Im going in for 8 hours anyway to work on portal stuff and get more hours. Gotta make all the money I can!


Hump Day! I wanted to get some gas before work and get to work early today, but neither of those things happened. Luckily I made it to work on the fumes in my tank, but I got there about two minutes later than yesterday. Work was OK. Lots ad lots of check ups today. Its getting close to big kid check up season. I didnt have anything to take with me for lunch today so I got chicken nuggets and a salad from Wendys. I really wanted a burger and fries and a coke but Im trying so hard to get down  to 120 lbs. I even had time to take a walk after I ate. I had to go to the store after I picked up Jo and as usual it was a total disaster. Jo pretended to be good until we were getting in line and thats when she asked if she could get skates. I told her no because she has been acting bad lately and not doing anything right so she didnt deserve them. Then she started with sticking her mouth out and whining and crying like a baby about everyon else was bringing their own skates to the skating trip tomorrow. Like that was going to change my mind. Then she asked if she could bring her old skates that are way too small and when I told her no she just started crying and whining again. So that really made me mad so then I said if she was that upset aboiut it just dont skate at all and that I was going to write her teacher a note to not let her skate. It was so awful. All we do lately is yell and fight. Maybe things will be good again when shes in her 20's. Two more day til we find out of Ben really pays me back or not......


April Fools Day! Suprisingly no one played any pranks at work. It was such a beautiful day, all sunshine high in the upper 70's. I even got a decent lunch break and ate outside. B texted me early this morning asking to borrow 30 bucks until Friday. He promised to pay me back so I said yes, although I already know something will come up and he wont. I dont know why its so hard for me to tell him no. He only talks to me when he wants something. After work Ipicked up Jo took her to dance, went home made some food and then went back to the studio to take class myself. It was a good class, but I am still so sore from the 5 hour rehearsal we had Sunday. After dance, I went to the ATM got some cash and then we had to go to CVS to get a money pack card for B. I told him he owes 35 for the cash and cost of the card and reminded him that if he didnt pay  me back I would never lend him money again. I checked my credit score today and its gone up like 40 points in a month. Im feeling pretty good about that, but I still have a long way to go to get it up to where it should be. As long as I stay out of the negative and keep paying all my bills on time, I should be able to do it and get a car before the end of the year. It will help so much when I dont have to pay 137 every paycheck on paying off that loan. I have one more credit card to make a big payment on and then all my cards will be below the credit limit. I was smart this year and cut up all those cards so once I pay them off I will not be able to use them anymore. Not having all those payments will help me a lot too. There are so many things I want to buy like clothes and shoes and things for the house, but Im resisting. Its hard, but I would like this to be the year I make it through without being hundreds of dollars in the negative between each paycheck. It will be worth it later and then I will have extra money for these things. 


OK so I fell off of this for awhile, but Im back. Not much has changed since Feb. More snow and cold weather. Roscoe finally went home. He's coming back in May. Work is the same. Dance is going really well. We have started rehearsing for Frida and I just found out today that we are headed to Vera Cruz, Mexico in October to perform calle 58! Im really excited about that. Other highlights of the past month include Jo was in a show as a guest artists with the tweens and teens. We went to some basketball games here during the SoCon tournament that was really fun. I went and saw The chase Brock Experiment, which is a dance company from New York a couple of weeks ago. That was fun even though I went by myself. There was a birthday party at the skating rink. I think I had just as much or more fun than Jo. My parents came to visit once. I am finally caught up on all of my bills and have kept my bank account out of the negative and even have a little money in my savings account for a change. I guess thats it in a nutshell. Starting tomorrow I will get back to writing daily. 


It snowed a little more last night. Just a dusting but enough to make things a little slippery. That normally would not be a problem but Jo had make-up dance class this morning at 9:30. I tried really hard to get there on time, but somehow we ended up being about 10 minutes late. I gues thats better than the 30 minutes she is late when I have to come from work. 


Valentines Day. I am not a fan of this so called holiday. It reminds me of the one good Valentines I ever had. It was 3 years ago with Tony. I remember he sent me a dozen red roses to work ( my first and only roses I have ever recieved) and then he and his son came up for the week-end. He gave me a beautiful necklace and I gave him a wine decanter that removed oxygen, or something like that. It was also the first and last necklace that I ever recieved. I made dinner that night and the 4 of us had a really good time. The next day he took us for lunch at Mellow Mushroom and then we took a tour of the Biltmore House. It was so much fun. Unfortuantely, I wasnt feeling well and I wasnt able to make the cake I had planned for us to eat the next day. While I was napping on the couch, he baked the cake, decorated it and cleaned up the kitchen. I felt so lucky and that I had the best guy in the world. They went home the next afternoon. Little did I know that 6 months later it would all be over and that I would cause him to hate me so much that he would never talk to me again. I guess I should be happy that I at least had one good Valentines Day with someone in my life. I would have savored it even more if I had known it was my first and last. Fast forward to this year and the day was me going to work (late because of snow), then picking up Jo. I asked her where she wanted to eat Valentines dinner and she chose Taco Bell of all places. So first we went to the grocery store and bought Valentine cupcakes and a bottle of wine (for me) before we headed to Taco Bell. We brought the food back to the house and ate together and then put on our heart rings that were on top of the cupcakes. Then she gave me a Valentine card that she made at snow care today. It was very sweet. We watched Happy Valentine Charlie Brown, and she was asleep not much longer after that. I didnt drink my wine because I already had a pretty bad headache. I sent Ben a text wishing him a Happy Valentines and awhile later he sent one back. That was pretty much it. It was good, and I had fun with Jo, but it still wasnt the same as 3 years ago. Im glad its over for another year and I dont have to remember that wknd with Tony for 365 more days. 


SNOW DAY!! Everything was pretty much closed today. Work, school, stores, the mail didnt come, the garbage didnt come,  nothing. Pretty much as soon as we got up, Jo wanted to go outside, so we layered up and took the dog out for a walk. He had to hop even more today to get through, but he had a great time. After we walked Roscoe, we tied him up outside so he could play while we sledded. Unfortuantely, Roscoe got loose and ran up to the fence to bark at another dog. It took me like 20 minutes to get him back on his leash. Jo didnt help at all, she just stood there.That kind of made me mad, and then when I finally got him back on the porch, the neighbors kid came over. I was already in a bad mood and not really in the mood for visitors. So I let Jo play with him, while I just kind of hung out with the dog. We stayed out for a couple of hours before it got really cold and windy and started snowing again. We came in ate some grilled cheese (which I tried making on the George Foreman grill and it worked great) chicken noodle soup and hot tea. Then we showered and watched some TV and took a nap. We went back outside a few hours later for more walking and sledding and snowball fights and snowman building. Then it was time to make dinner so I went in and left Jo outside playing with some more of the neighbors. Found out tonight that school is closed tomorrow, but snow care opens at 9:00. Yay! Im ready to get away from the house and I need to work some hours this week. More movies and eating tonight. It was a really fun snow day (for the most part) 


Woke up today to no snow  but since everything was already cancelled and work was closing at 12, I went back to sleep. It finally started snoing around 10;30 for about an hour, but then it stopped and I figured they metereologist had got it wrong again. Around 6, the sky fell out and the sno started pouring. I havent seen snow like that in years. But 10, we had at least 7 inches. I took Roscoe out and he had to hop through the snow to get through it. It was soo funny, he loved it. I have a feeling that nothing will be open tomorrow, but we have food and kerosene, so everything is good. Movies and snacking tonight. 


My plan today was to take Jo to school and then go to work, but that didnt happen. I felt absoultley horrible, headache, coughing, congestion and cramps. I pretty much stayed in the bed all day until it was time to pick Jo up and take her to dance class. Today was also the day to meet with my director, which probably made me feel even worse. I was so nervous that I sat in my car for like 30 minutes after letting Jo out. It took me that long to get up the nerve to go in. It turned out to be not bad at all. Basically, she just wanted me to learn the first section of the dance and teach it to everybody else on Sunday, we also talked about casting ideas and she asked me if I wanted to dance the role of the mother. It was such a relief to get that meeting over with and I immediately felt like 50% better. My head did still hurt though, so I only took part of my class. Im sure I will regret not going in and getting those extra hours,  but I really needed a day off. The next big round of snow is supposed to start tomorrow and they have already cancelled school and snow care, so I wont be getting any hours tomorrow either. I hope they are at least right with the forecast and I wont be wasting a whole day for nothing. At least I will have time to prepare for rehearsal Sunday!


According to the weather, there is a significant snow event on the way this week. The first wave was supposed to come today and it did. It started snowing around 10 this morning. It was coming down in fat, wet flakes and acuumulated really quickly on the grass, cars and trees. It seemed like it was going to get bad so schools let out at 12:30 and afterschool closed at 4. That meant I had to leave work early at 3:30, which was bad because it cut into my hours. I got to afterschool with no problems, the roads were fine. The good thing was that Jo could get to dance class on time. Unfortuantely when we got to the studio, class was cancelled, so went to the gas station to get some kerosene in case the power goes out. I was pumping my kerosene, when some guy came up to the other pump and asked me if he could pump mine for me. I thought that was strange because I had already pumped half of it and  was obviously capable of doing it. I told him no thanks and I was good. I finished and put my can back in the car and then we went home. School has already been delayed two hours for tomorrow, but its my day off so that makes it OK and we get to sleep in a little! 


I had been looking forward to rehearsal today all week. I was so excited to start working on our spring show. Rehearsal started off well, but then I was asked to teach a section to everybody else. Unfortuatnely its been years and years since I have done this piece and could only remember bits and pieces of it. I felt so stupid, I just couldnt remember. I tried so hard, but as usual it was a giant fail. After rehearsal, my director said she wanted to meet with me on Tuesday to go over some things. Im sure that means Im in trouble or am not going to be in the piece or something bad. I am now dreading Tuesday and this is why it never pays for me to look forward to anything. It always turns out bad. 


Im getting so behind again, but I am determined not to give up on this this year. Today was full of basketball! First Jo and I watched the UNC, Notre Dame game on tv, then as soon as that was done (Carolina won!) we drove to UNCA and watched the Bull Dogs play Liberty. I wasnt expecting it to be a very exciting game, but it was awesome! The game came down to the final 0.9 seconds and Libertys coach had to be escorted out for yelling at fans. During halftime Jo and I watched the dance team perform and she said "That choreography is missing oomph! It would be better to do part of Calle 58 or a combination from Jennis class." It was so funny and so true. She really pays attention to the work we do at the studio. Due to it being YMCA day at the game, I only had to pay 5 bucks to get in, so that left me with some extra cash to spend on 2 popcorns and 1 bottle of soda, which came to 8 bucks. What a rip-off! But it was a fun afternoon, we cheered and clapped and jumped up and down. I hope that is a memory Jo will have for a long time. After the game we went to the grocery store and the drug store. We got home when the news was on and during the sports segment we saw ourselves when they were talking about the UNCA game! We were very small and it was hard to make out our faces, but I definitely spotted Jos bright pink jacket. We are definitely going back to see another game. Now if I could only find away to see my Tarheels play. Cant wait for March madness!!!


I checked my bank account this morning hoping that I at least had 700 bucks in there and I found that I had got my federeal tax return already! I am so excited to not have to worry about being broke all the time anymore! I can finally get caught up on things, start saving for a car and get a new mattress and tires. Things are going to be OK. I got a tank of gas this morning and just let it go until it cut itself off, I didnt have to budget how much I got. I went to work, had a nice lunch without worrying. After I picked up Jo I had to go to the ATM and get 100 bucks so that I could pay 40 for POA and then have some spending money for the week. We went to Bojangles for dinner and then came home, watched TV and played with the dog, who is now staying for another week. Its a releif to not have to worry about money for awhile, but Im still not very happy. If Tony Brown called me tonight, that would make me happy, but that's not going to happen.  


Today was going to be my sleep and be lazy day, but when I was outside around 7:30 this morning I got a text from a co-worker saying she was sick and asking if I wanted to work for her. Although I still feel like crap I couldnt turn down the opprotunity to get a little overtime. So I rushed Roscoe with his walk, then I let him ride in the car when I took Jo to school. I got ready for work in about an hour and made it to work around 9:30. I left around 3:30 because I promised Jo that I would take her to a dance class at 5. We had just enough time to come home, make some quick burritos and change clothes and walk the dog (Jo even volunteered to walk Roscoe). She got to take a modern class and then I took my usual Thursday night modern class. I was feeling much better and it was an awesome class and we worked some more on the phrase from last week that I really loved. Even though I didnt get any sleep, it turned out to be a really good day! Tomorrow is pay day! 

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